Josh Kaufman

As many of you know, Kelsey and I were married on August 17th in Kelsey’s hometown of Ft. Collins, Colorado. It was, without a doubt, one of the happiest days of my life. Feel free to “check out a few of our pictures”:http://flickr.com/photos/kaufmajm/sets/72157594369111558/.

In an effort to give back to the internet community, here are a few things I learned while planning our wedding, as well as the full text of our ceremony. Hopefully they’ll help you or someone you love plan a wonderful and memorable wedding someday.

h3. 7 Tips for Planning an Enjoyable and Stress-Free Wedding

*1. Keep it just big enough.* While preparing, I talked with a lot of people about their wedding experiences, and it amazed me how many people who had huge weddings thought the whole experience was extremely stressful. When you have 300+ guests at your wedding, you and your husband/wife won’t be able to spend any significant amount of time visiting with anyone, and the whole event will seem like a huge blur. If you keep the ceremony to family and a few close friends, everyone will have a much better time. We had around 100 guests at our wedding, which was the perfect size for us.

*2. Work with vendors you like and trust.* It’s amazing how easy planning your wedding can be if you find great vendors and let them handle the details instead of micromanaging everything. Our wedding was held at the “Tapestry House”:http://www.tapestryhouse.com/, a wonderfully restored historic home right outside of Ft. Collins. They’ve hosted a lot of weddings, and their staff superbly handled all of the logistic details, which let us focus on having fun. Our caterer was Michael Calocino from “Behind the Scenes Catering”:http://www.google.com/maps?hl=en&hs=9Z7&lr=&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&q=behind-the-scenes+catering&near=Fort+Collins,+CO&radius=0.0&latlng=40585278,-105083889,13844785464195590509&sa=X&oi=local&ct=authority, an old friend of Kelsey’s during the time she worked at a dinner theater in high school. We completely trusted Michael’s taste in food, presentation, and wine, so we gave him free reign to work his creative magic with our reception. “Dave Beegle”:http://www.davebeegle.com/ and Glenn Schull’s Little Big Band provided the music, and we let them pick the majority of the playlist. In all cases, giving our vendors the freedom to do a great job and bring their skills and creativity to the table made planning the wedding much simpler for us.

*3. Find a great photographer.* “Mark Cafiero”:http://www.sixpeeps.com/ did our wedding photos, and Kelsey and I are absolutely thrilled with his work. Mark is a photojournalist by background, and he is superb at capturing people in spontaneous and emotional moments. We kept up with Mark’s website and blog for a long time before signing him on, and our research paid off big time - after hiring Mark, we have some of the best photos of our family and friends ever taken. Before hiring a photographer, make sure you know his/her work and understand exactly what you’re getting for your money - Mark provided digital retouching and rights to all electronic files as part of the package, which was a very big deal for us. Photographers can be pricey, but be prepared to pay for quality - wedding photography isn’t a good place to scrimp. You can “check out Mark’s work here.”:http://flickr.com/photos/kaufmajm/sets/72157594369111558/

*4. Write your own ceremony.* Sure, it’s a little easier to just rip a ceremony out of a book, but the event will be more meaningful if you and your significant other design a ceremony to reflect your beliefs and philosophy of life. Instead of using a traditional ceremony, I wrote the ceremony myself, using the net to search for good ideas. (I’m forever in the debt of “Elle Cayabyab Gitlin”:http://withever.org/, who wrote what are perhaps the most perfect wedding vows in the history of the world.) Kelsey and I will remember the details of our ceremony for decades to come because we cared enough to craft the words ourselves. You can read our entire ceremony at the bottom of this post.

*5. Seriously consider having a cocktail hour _before_ the ceremony.* At every wedding, there will always be a few people who will be running late, and they’ll be worried that they’ll miss the big event. By having a little party before the ceremony, you build in a buffer that will allow all of your guests to be present, relaxed, and happy well before the main event. It also allows family and friends from both the bride and groom’s side to meet each other in advance of the reception, which makes the reception even more fun for everyone! (Two quick tips: (1) don’t put the cocktail hour on the invitation - make it a surprise for your guests; (2) save the alcohol for the reception!) Everyone who attended was thrilled about this “wedding innovation”.

*6. Focus on your priorities so you don’t break the bank.* It doesn’t make much sense to start out your married life in crushing debt, so make sure you keep your spending within your means. Our wonderful parents helped out with the venue and the food, and we were careful to keep our priorities clear and reasonable: a beautiful but simple location, great food, and great music. Everything else was secondary. By investigating our options, we were able to throw a great party without overspending. For example, the natural beauty of the Tapestry House grounds meant we didn’t have to spend much money on extra flowers. We also decided to axe bridesmaids dresses and tuxedos - there’s no sense in spending money on clothing that will only be worn once, and that left our friends free to wear something they actually like.

*7. Don’t expect perfection.* If you go overboard in planning each and every detail of your wedding in an effort to make everything 100% perfect, you’ll only succeed in stressing yourself out and taking the fun out of the entire event. (There’s a reason the term “bridezilla”:http://www.wordspy.com/words/bridezilla.asp exists, and grooms can sometimes be prone to equal levels of fickleness.) Inevitably, something will not go as planned, so be willing to go with the flow of things. Believe it or not, it rained and _hailed_ 30 minutes before our outdoor ceremony. Luckily, it only lasted for 15 minutes (yay for Colorado weather), but it could have been a huge source of stress if we had been in a perfection-oriented mindset. Because we weren’t expecting sublime flawlessness, we stayed relaxed and happy, which made the wedding a lot more fun for both ourselves and our guests.

There you have it… 7 tips to help you plan an enjoyable and stress-free wedding. May all of your celebrations be happy, and all of your memories lasting.

If you’re interested in reading the entire ceremony, here it is…

h3. The Ceremony

*Participants*
1. Kelsey & Josh
2. John Ross - The Reverend
3. “Dave Beegle”:http://www.davebeegle.com/ - The Guitarist
4. Betsy Wolfe - The First Singer
5. Ashley Logan - The Second Singer
6. David McKelfresh - Kelsey’s brother
7. Dan Kaufman - Josh’s brother

_(Josh, John, David, Dan, and Ben go to stand at front as the guests are seated.)_

_(Instrumental background music by Dave Beegle as the guests are seated._)

_(*Kelsey’s entrance music by Dave Beegle and Betsy*: “The Very Thought of You”)_

h1. Introduction / Welcome

*John*

Family and friends, welcome to this marriage ceremony celebrating the love of Kelsey and Josh. My name is Rev. John Ross, and I’d like to thank everyone for attending this very important moment in Kelsey and Josh’s life together.

Marriage is a promise of love. It is a commitment to life – to the best two people can find to bring to each other.

Marriage offers opportunities for sharing and growth - a physical and emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.

Marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships. A wife and a husband are each other’s best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener and critic.

Marriage deepens and enriches every fact of life. Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher, commitment is stronger. Even anger is felt more strongly, but passes more quickly.

Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes people are unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life. When two people pledge to love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique in themselves that binds them closer than any spoken or written words.

Marriage is a promise, made in the presence of God and those you love. It is a potential and a commitment that takes a lifetime to fulfill.

h1. Reading #1 - “On Love” by Thomas à Kempis

*David*

Love is a mighty power, a great and complete good.
Love alone lightens every burden, and makes rough places smooth.
It bears every hardship as though it were nothing, and renders all
bitterness sweet and acceptable.
_(Dave Beegle starts intro to “Morgen” by Strauss)_
Nothing is sweeter than love,
Nothing stronger,
Nothing higher,
Nothing wider,
Nothing more pleasant,
Nothing fuller or better in heaven or earth; for love is born of God.
Love flies, runs and leaps for joy.
It is free and unrestrained.
Love knows no limits, but ardently transcends all bounds.
Love feels no burden, takes no account of toil,
attempts things beyond its strength.
Love sees nothing as impossible,
for it feels able to achieve all things.
It is strange and effective,
while those who lack love faint and fail.
Love is not fickle and sentimental,
nor is it intent on vanities.
Like a living flame and a burning torch,
it surges upward and surely surmounts every obstacle.

_(*Ashley and Dave Beegle:* “Morgen” by Strauss)_

_(Dave Beegle continues with “Morgen” instrumental.)_

h1. Reading #2 - “Salutation to the Dawn”, a poem by Kalidasa

*Dan*

Look to this day,
For it is life,
The very life of life.
In its brief course lie all the truths
And realities of your existence;
The bliss of growth
The glory of action, and
The splendor of beauty;
For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today well lived makes
Every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.
Such is the salvation of the dawn.

_(”Morgen” instrumental ends.)_

h1. A Word from the Reverend

_(John gets to talk a little about whatever he wants to - sharing stories, thoughts, etc.)_

h1. The Vows

Kelsey and Josh, you have known each other for six years, through the first glance of acquaintance to this moment of commitment. At some moment, you decided to marry.

From the moment you met until this moment, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or on long walks — all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will” — those late-night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” — and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of wedding.

The symbolic vows you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “All of those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed — I meant it all, every word.”

Take each others hands now to make your vows.

Before this moment, you have been many things to one another — acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last six years. Now you will say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never be quite the same between you. For after these vows you will say to the world:

This — is my husband. This — is my wife.

Josh, please repeat after me. _(John hands ring to Josh.)_

*Josh / John* _(Josh places ring on Kelsey’s finger.)_
I, Josh, do take you, Kelsey,
To be the wife of my days /
the companion of my house /
The friend of my life /
and the mother of our children /
We shall bear together /
whatever trouble and sorrow /
life may lay upon us /
And we shall share together /
whatever good and joyful things /
life may bring us /
With these words /
and all the words of my heart /
I marry you /
and bind my life to yours.

_(John hands ring to Kelsey.)_

*Kelsey / John* _(Kelsey places ring on Josh’s finger.)_
I, Kelsey, do take you, Josh,
To be the husband of my days /
the companion of my house /
The friend of my life /
and the father of our children /
We shall bear together /
whatever trouble and sorrow /
life may lay upon us /
And we shall share together /
whatever good and joyful things /
life may bring us /
With these words /
and all the words of my heart /
I marry you /
and bind my life to yours.

*John*
May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you encourage each other in whatever you set out to achieve.
May you share each other’s dreams and meet life’s challenges together.
May you trust each other and be unafraid.
May you always respect each other’s thoughts and feelings.
May you remember each other’s worth as individuals and value both your similarities and your differences.
May you have patience, tolerance, and understanding,
and may your marriage bring you all the joy a marriage should bring.

h1. Closing Benediction

*John*

We will close this ceremony with a Native American benediction used for marriage:

Now you will feel no rain,
For each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
For each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no more loneliness,
For each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two bodies,
But there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place
To enter into the days of your togetherness
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

*John*
I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. (Yay!)

_(*Exit music*: “Joy” by Dave Beegle.)_